Well, there I was … in a classroom … in an FBI facility … in the middle of West Virginia.
Would you believe I was there on purpose! Not too many people can say that, but it’s true.
There I was … with a buddy of mine … in that classroom … with 32 of West Virginia’s finest looking back at us!
We were there without handcuffs, warrants for our arrest, or even any moonshine! (Although, at that moment I could have used a little.)
Funny thing is, while there someone did ask about my marriage to my second cousin.
I know, I know, who in the world would marry their second cousin? Well, I can’t speak for anyone else, but my marriage to that first cousin just didn’t work out! But here we are, some 21 years later, and things are going a heck of a lot better!
It would seem as though we’ve surprised just about everyone. Nobody from either side of our families believed it would last … especially that first cousin … and wouldn’t you know it, shortly after we were married, my dear bride told me she was pregnant!!
I remember thinking that I’d hoped our kids looked like her side of the family, mainly because my side isn’t the most pleasing to the eye. Since then we’ve wound up with two handsome little boys, and wouldn’t you know it, one looks just like her little brother and the other is a splitting image of her daddy! I couldn’t be happier!
But that’s not why we were in that classroom that fateful day.
It was March 2009. I was working in computers, my buddy in training, we were trying hoping to get some equipment hooked up to the internet, and that equipment needed to go in that very classroom.
Not only had Al Gore’s little invention been in West Virginia just a short period of time, but the Pony Express was still running in some parts of the State and would continue for another couple of years … so we weren’t too optimistic about finding that connection.
With that equipment being deemed essential, it couldn’t wait and we had to take a look … the sooner, the better!
We met up at the classroom just after 10:00 that morning and when we looked through the window, we found it was packed! Packed with those 32 West Virginian’s I’d mentioned a few moments ago, and it looked like our trip was coming to a quick end … until the door opened.
We hadn’t noticed someone in the room looking back at us, so she took us by surprise when opened the door and asked, “Can I help you?”
We explained our plight and were about to excuse ourselves when she invited us in.
“This is the newcomer’s brief. The person scheduled for 10:00 hasn’t made it yet. If you’d like to take a quick look, go right ahead!”
So, we looked at one another and headed through the door. Before I knew it, my buddy dove headlong under the desk and all I could do was stand there and watch!
I started to get a little self-conscious as my buddy mooned those 32 West Virginians. About the time it crossed my mind a full set of teeth was looking back at me, I realized that I should something!
“Good afternoon!” I started. “My name is Lee and I would like to welcome you to the FBI. I understand that someone was slated to be here at 10:00, and unfortunately neither of us are that person. I was sitting in those seats about a year and a half ago, and during that time I’ve been pleasantly surprised. This beautiful facility is the home to an incredible mission and is staffed by a great bunch of people. I’m truly glad I took this job. I’m almost certain that in eighteen months that you too will say the same thing.
“While my buddy and I stopped by to look for an internet connection to support a new piece of equipment, there are two things I can almost guarantee that you’ll never experience in your time here. Well, I’ll almost guarantee you’ll never have to experience it again. First … crawling under desks in the workplace is the exception and not the rule. And second … this is likely the only time you’ll be mooned during normal duty hours!”
About that time my friend pulled himself out from under the desk, jumped to his feet, and gave a big sigh.
“Did you find it?” I asked.
“Nope,” he replied. “We’re going to have to come back when we have more time.” He turned on his heel and headed out the door, leaving me momentarily by myself, so I quickly turned to the group one last time.
“Ladies and Gentlemen,” I began. “Once again congratulations and welcome! I hope you enjoy the rest of your day and I look forward to seeing you around campus!” I then followed my friend out the door. We had a quick discussion on that connection while standing in the hallway, planned on coming back later in the week, and went our separate ways.
With lunch the next thing on my mind, the scene then left my mind almost as quickly as it occurred. I didn’t think about it again until the next morning when I came back to work.
I barely got to my cubicle when another coworker approached.
“Hey, were you in one of the classrooms yesterday morning?”
“I sure was, why do you ask?”
“Well, my brother just started with the FBI and was in that room when you walked in. Not only did he say it was the best impromptu speech he’s ever heard, but he thinks he may know your second cousin!”